I just can’t believe it’s been 4 years since I’ve lost my dad to cancer <Lymphoma to be exact>.
Life has changed dramatically in these 4 years for me and my family. I don’t want to go too much into detail but I wanted to do a post about family loss and how I found ways to deal with it. As I’m a firm believer in helping people and I at least, want to help someone out there that’s going through this. So here we go.
I’d like to think that losing a parent is like having a scrunched piece of paper, tossing it in the bin, unfolding it and scrunching it again and maybe that x 1000. Your life changes and your sense of security has disappeared. Especially if it’s a dad. My dad was one of the wisest people I knew and I’d like to think he has left that legacy behind but also instilled that into my siblings and I.
So some tips I recommend are:
• go back to work, get the job done and FOCUS: When this happened, I had no choice but to go back to work the next week- I so was NOT ready. I’m the type of person that needs to be kept busy in order to forget for abit.
• ask work if they can provide the free councelling service of “Employees assistance program” : as much as I love my friends and my bestie , it was real good to speak to someone I hardly knew and cry 40 mins out of my 1 hour session. An hour for me dedicated to me . I wasn’t selfish , I needed it.
• try and help out someone in need of a talk: I found out some people at work had lost their parents as well, so I wanted to here their story. It was good to know we all felt the same way and often talked about our feelings together. Some hard far worse stories than mine which made me feel grateful my papa didn’t suffer so much & that I had a chance to meet and have a life with him.
• give back to your community : this is still an ongoing process for me but always give back. I am a Muslim ( not practicing) but I like to give to the needy so I’m doing as much as I can to help those in need.
•ask your other parent how they’re doing : cause even though they were your parent that you’ve lost, it was they’re husband or wife – they’re livelihood and there all.
• understand that not everyone will get this feeling of losing a parent yet
• appreciate the parent that is still alive and if you don’t have any left, I am so sorry for your biggest lost !
• I did some fundraising for the Lymphoma and Leukaemia foundation to put a positive spin on this monstrosity of a cancer. I did a morning tea, worked matched the money I raised – win win ! Helping someone in need.
• make new memories and make a new life for yourself : I started the old blog, I started photo shooting and built a house
• do something to make your parent proud : refer to previous point.
• visit their burial sites ( sorry for sounding so gloomy ) but this makes you accept the fact that they’re gone and you’re able to start and live your own life.
• understand that there is a time to grieve and grieve with all your heart but also a time to just live your day to day life.
• understand that they will be proud of you no matter what
& remember everyone deals with things differently and I found these tips have made it just that bit easier. If you ever need a friend. I am all arms and ears ❤️❤️